1. The only way to improve leadership skills is by focusing on ourselves, not others.
2. In The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey introduces the key concepts of the circle of concern and the circle of influence.

The circle of concern includes all those things that concern you but you have no control over. The circle of influence focuses on everything you can actually do something about. Things you can directly improve. You need to focus on things in this circle. For example, improving your interpersonal skills, going out of your comfort zone; this is something in your circle of influence, you can control yourself. You could make an effort to socialise more. Instead of responding to every question by email, get up and meet your coworkers face to face. Just by working on this one thing, your circle of influence grows.

3. 6 levels of leadership. At the bottom of the ladder sits the ‘isolated leader’. Isolated leaders work with just a handful of people, tend to be manipulative and don’t care about anyone other than themselves. On level 2 is the ‘Interested leader’. These leaders are slightly more engaged but they don’t command much respect. The level 3 is the ‘involved leader’. These are team players who definitely get the job done. But their performance reviews are decidedly average, sometimes because they’ve taken on more than they can handle. At level 4 is the ‘Integrated leader’. These have been noticed and people are impressed by their work. But they’re still seen as having potential, not as having truly achieved success. At level 5 is the ‘Influenced leader’. These great networkers who are active both inside their own organisation and outside. Hard workers with a reputation for getting things done. At the very top is the ‘Inspired leader’. These people are innovators who have cultivated working relationships with everyone from the CEO down to the folks in the trenches.

4. Successful leaders come in all shapes and sizes. However, they can all be classified into three different skill-sets: the Active Leader, the Directive Leader and the Perceptive Leader. To be the best leader, you have to draw on all of these at different times and in different situations.

The Active Leader speaks the languages of courage and strength. But being a strong leader isn’t just about overcoming your fears. It means that you’re willing to make tough decisions, even when they might be unpopular. Also, strong leaders know how to make tough calls while not destroying morale. They know how to gather the input of everyone in your division and take the time to ensure that they all buy into your way of thinking.

The key skill of a Directive leader is maneuvering situations, circumstances and even people to best achieve goals. They are capable of engineering their environments and abdicating power to others. Let’s start with engineering your environment. This requires a three-pronged approach: observe, interpret and intervene. For example, let’s say you want to propose a new project to your boss. But you’ve noticed that every time you sit own with her in her office, she’s too distracted by emails and calls to pay close attention. You know from past experience that it’s not because she isn’t interested in new ideas, she’s just too busy to focus. The easiest solution is to get er out of that office. Maybe you could propose an off-site coffee or lunch meeting, or simply walk and talk while you’re both heading to a staff meeting. In other words, you observe your boss’s behaviour, you interpret why it’s happening, and you intervene to help.

Transparency is key to engineering your environment. You need to be completely open with people about your thought process and your intentions, and you need to communicate why you’re taking particular actions.

The Directive leader should also be willing to abdicate power to others. This means giving up a measure of control. Give up control can be very hard, but it’s worth it. When your team members feel empowered to make their own decisions, they become more invested in you, your goals and your company. So how do we effectively abdicate power? It starts with self-awareness. We tend to believe that the best solutions are the ones we come up with ourselves. But virtually every problem can be solved in a number of different ways. And who knows, someone else’s solution might be a better one. Being aware that our own thoughts and ideas aren’t always the best way forward is the start of giving control to others. Next you need to abdicate power upwards. So, in come cases, just let your boss win the argument. Save your energy for the most important arguments. Occasionally, it may even be a good idea to let him take credit for something you did. It’s never a bad idea to help make your boss look good.

The Perceptive leader speaks the language of trust. Abdicating some power is a great way of displaying trust. As is increasing collaboration and building transparency. By showing others that their decisions matter, you are displaying trust in them. Competition can undermine trust when used inappropriately. A healthy degree of competition can be fine to keep people motivated. A team which is in fierce competition within itself creates colleagues who see each other as rivals to crush rather than teammates to trust.

The Perceptive leader encourages the language of vulnerability. The deepest connections you have with people are formed when they allow themselves to feel vulnerable in front of you. Great leaders try and encourage displays of vulnerability in themselves and their teams. Just share a little bit of your story goes a long way. Even simple phrases like ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I didn’t think about that’ shows that you don’t always have all the answers and can learn from your mistakes. But vulnerability can be overused. If you go too far and try to play someone’s sympathy, you can appear manipulative or weak. So how do you strike the right balance? The best way is to actively seek out feedback and contrary opinions on your ideas. By doing this, you’re allowing yourself to appear vulnerable. But above all, look for opportunities to connect with people one-on-one. And when you speak with people in person, treat them as humans. Empathise with them, talk about your own mistakes and missteps. Do whatever you can to connect with them on a personal level.

5. The key to mastering all six languages of leadership is using them all in balance. The key to striking the proper balance is reflection and self-awareness. In every situation, take an honest look at yourself and ask what you’re trying to accomplish and why.

6. Set clear expectations in the team and learn to say ‘no’. These help you to project strength and command respect. First, set very clear expectations with hard-and-fast deadlines so there can be no misunderstandings. If people fail to meet those expectations, you need to hold them accountable, even if it means having tough conversations. Second, lean to say ‘no’ and stick to it, even in the face of pushback.